dear baby // 18m

Dear Alice:

You have gotten, somehow, distinctly more awesome lately. I don't quite get it. You have always been incredibly wonderful. And, yet, you still manage to out-do yourself.

In recent weeks you have taken to bringing book by book to our laps and sitting contentedly to hear each word read aloud. Your favorites are "Each Peach Pear Plum," "Goodnight Moon," and "A, You're Adorable." You are occasionally so persistent in your affection for your Vermont Teddy Bear- which is still easily twice your size- that I acquiesce and let you nap with him. You lay with your face planted into his cushy tummy. Your kisses are usually quiet and gentle, but you recently added a full, puckered, long-held smooch to your repertoire as well. It is almost too darn cute to handle.

Your vocabulary is still limited. Other than "mama," "dada," and "hi," you get by primarily by pointing and shaking your head. There have been the random exceptions- the one time you said "good job" for instance- but, nothing consistent. You certainly babble enough for us to know and love your voice though. You sing sometimes too. You dance almost always. The dancing! It is so good! You've got moves kiddo. Just in the last week you have started running into the bathroom and pointing to the toilet when you'd like to "go potty." We are more than happy to abide this new interest and are shameless in our hope that it sticks. Self-potty-trained? GO FOR IT.

Last weekend you woke up and I brought you back into bed with us- a rare morning when we were all home and could cuddle together before starting the day. You were over-the-moon in your quiet, blissfully lovely way: leaning back into dada's arms, laying between us, content to take in the stillness together. Soon enough you were squirming and chatting and even patting my belly, saying a tiny "hi" to the baby inside. My goodness, you are wonderful.

We love you, our hilarious, affectionate little monkey. You make us laugh every single day. You are such a deeply happy girl. 18 months suits you quite well and we couldn't be more ogle-eyed for you.

Love, mom

on parenting, currently

Something I adore about parenting thus far is the ever changing motion of the whole endeavor. Our darling 15 month old has already dipped her toe into the realm of tantrums and potty training. She has come full circle back to adoring bath time (and protesting its end after 45 minutes of tepid water play). She finds sincere enjoyment at putting things away- board books back on their shelves, shoes matched and in line, empty yogurt containers into the recycling bin. She takes multi-step directions (can you pick that cucumber up and put it back?) and just recently fell in love with coloring. She loves to pick tomatoes in the garden and smell flowers (or, even more so, hops!). She is fiercely independent about feeding herself and has started to let little words out, but not consistently- "hi," "Layla!," "mama." One constant for the last six months or so has been Alice's dreamy sleep schedule. She takes two naps a day, each is two to three hours long, plus she clocks a solid 11+ hours of sleep at night. Dream-y.

So, that potty training and bath time I mentioned? Oh. My. Gosh. What a night we had. Alice was laughing so hard in the tub last night- hysterical over splashing me and getting me wet- that she pooped in the tub. She didn't even realize because of her own overwhelming laughter. Of course, I stole her right out of the the beloved tub to clean up the situation, placing her on the potty to continue. She did NOT like the change of scenery, but sure enough went #2 on the potty for the second time in her little life and we both applauded. Soon after, the tub was clean, so back in she went. We re-sudsed, were soon back to splashing and, I kid you not, she again laughed so hard that she pooped even more. You have got to be kidding me. So, again, I swooped her out of the tub and she was having it even less this go around. At this point, I was cleaning more watery poo out of both tub and bath toys, while Alice cried and ran around our kitchen naked. When the tub was finally cleaned up again I plucked her, naked and crying, off the stair landing, and put her in the tub one last time for a quick shower and scrub (because, poop).

Needless to say, she and I were both a bit, ahem, pooped by the end of the entire clownish ordeal: three baths, three poops, so much laughing and crying. She mostly cuddled for the final half hour before going to bed.

And still, bodily functions aside, this is the best. best. best gift in the whole wide world- to be this little love's mama, even when she leaves a bruised bite mark on my neck for taking her out of the tub again. I'll take so many more bites- except, no I won't, we're working on that,- and so much more #2 in the tub- again, not really, we're working on that too,- and savor every hilarious moment with our girl. Favorite age so far? Every. Single. One. Though, 15 months is ranking quite high on the list.

dear baby // 1 year old

Dear Alice,

A year ago, right now, I was growling in a tub at the North Shore Birth Center. The water was too warm, so the door to the deck was open, letting in a glorious sunshine-y Spring breeze and letting out the noises of your impending arrival. I did not labor quietly, my love, and this year has not been a quiet one either. It has been a massive, laboring year. An incredible year. Like childbirth, it has been painful and awesome, the best and the hardest and, in so many ways, the very meaning of life. You have taught us more and more what love truly means and looks like.

You are hilarious, a tease. You are affectionate and gentle. You love looking out windows, hugging animals, and eating bananas (eating anything, really). At one year old you already possess a strong will and a kind, spunky spirit. You are more than we ever could have dreamed up- so much better than we could have imagined.

In the last month- your last month before turning an entire year old- you've taken your first steps, mastered clapping and high fives, and completely self-weaned on your own accord. And you've made us laugh baby girl. You make us laugh every day. You are so stinking wonderful. My heart is achey in love with you.

Happiest of birthdays to my baby, my sweet girl, my sunshine-y wonder. Happy birthday Alice.

Love, Mom

my daughter will be a year old next month

It is unbelievable, right? Alice cannot possibly be 11 months old today. But, sure enough, there's the calendar and it tells me the date is April 8, 2015. My baby is quickly leaving babydom behind and toddling her way into childhood. Sheesh. We've got a birthday bash to plan. But before I skip the next month away, there is the current milestone at hand- my girl is 11 months old:
+ As of a week or two ago, you now point to everything you focus your eyes on. It starts as soon as I lift you out of your crib in the morning- you point and I reply "book shelf, paci, door, window, changing table..." Which word will you land on first?

+ You continue to babble in your sing-song-y way, but just last week you also found the way to stop a sound short. This feels like a distinct step in the direction of finding your first word. You know who Dada is and you can point to the dogs when I ask where they are. You point to a banana when you want one, but you haven't found the words yourself. I have a feeling once the first one comes, many will come pouring out in short succession.

+ A funny little faux laugh has developed that seems to be your way to participate in conversation happening around you. You'll make this amusing trickling sound for many minutes at a time. Just last week we were at the Brown's for dinner and you spent at least five minutes walking along their dining table bench, holding yourself up and pretending to laugh along with the conversation overhead.

+ Last month you took a sudden interest in any board books with textural elements or flaps to lift. I love reading to you, so to have you actually interested rather than simply tolerant is a very exciting progression. I know your favorite books by heart. I don't know how many times we've played peek-a-boo with Paul.

+ You get hangry. I'm not kidding. We'll be so confused by your sudden switch of temperament- from hugging and laughing to feisty and upset, and then it'll dawn on us: she's hangry. Down you sit in your highchair. You pull your green tray right off the table and onto your lap and wave your arms as I grab whatever I can most quickly place in front of you. An entire banana? Devoured in a couple minutes flat. A bowl of rice? Gone. For lunch this week you have been eating an avocado, banana and an orange- all in their entirety. You eat more than I do. Our grocery budget is ballooning, but we love how you eat and are not deterred by texture or taste. You have an especial love of all fruits and veggies. Cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, brussel sprouts? Honestly- you've happily eaten most everything we've placed in front of you.

+ Hugs! You give such incredible hugs and you even offer them on demand. "Can you hug Artie?" Over you lean, grasping Artie-boy around the neck and planting an open-mouth smooch on his face. "Can you hug Katie?" You lean in her direction and hold on for several minutes. During the passing of the peace on Easter Sunday you offered a hug to the stranger next to me. (!)

+ The last month has been really, really fun. You're so awesome! You're so funny! You're so smart and strong and brave! And you're truly, gorgeously adorable. Those slate blue eyes of yours slay me. You are our spark, our little monster. Your dad calls you "miss." I still call you "baby." We stare at you and at each other and back at you, our looks silently asking "isn't she amazing?" and "how did we get so lucky?" Oh, our dear sweet Alice girl- I don't know how we got so dang lucky with you. You are a gift that we do not take for granted. Every day with you is such a gift.

these last pics were taken by KL- photo evidence of Alice's hugging and those awesome monster chompers

10m

+ You have not had an easy month. I think I did a little too much bragging about how you'd avoided sickness this entire winter and some lurking germs took my bravado as a challenge. I'm sorry. You spent much of the last four weeks ailed and wobbly with what feels like the cold that will not quit. Through it you have demonstrated your strong, sweet demeanor all the more. You are a tough cookie and we have been so proud of you. Despite frighteningly high fevers and ruthlessly stuffy sinuses, you are smiley and quick to laugh (especially with your dada). You are cuddly, but independent. Worrying about you is a privilege.

+ Despite sickness, you have gotten distinctly more smiley and funny this month. You reciprocate smiles and you laugh when we do, not just in response to antics. You flirt with those big, slate blue eyes of yours. You're shy with new people, but generously warm with those you love.

+ You crawl and climb. You stand unassisted for a couple seconds at a time. You run across the kitchen in your walker. One of these days you will take your first steps and will once again amaze us with your ever growing abilities.

+ You gnaw on the side of your crib like a beaver! I stop you when I can, but the side rail is still scarred along its entirety with tiny teeth marks. Those teeth! They are hilarious. We love your six big monster teeth.

+ You continue to like any/all food you try. Currants and pineapple were new additions this month. Avocado remains your favorite and you love a simple scrambled egg. You eat raw kale like it ain't no thang. I hope prejudice against these odd foods doesn't ever kick in. To you, a leaf of kale is just as appealing as a chunk of cheese or a sliver of cookie.

+ We have kitchen dance parties in the evenings. You like to dance in your high chair or your walker, or to sit on the kitchen floor while we hop around above you. The Beatles get you jiving most quickly, but you don't mind the radio turned on to whatever music we can tune in. A shakey egg or tambourine is usually in your hands during these little dance sessions too.

+ Last week you measured in at 20 lbs, 10 oz. and 28.5 inches tall. You are wearing mostly 12-18 month clothes. We love every deliciously precious part of you, our sweet, spunky girl.

9m

+ Your monster teeth are hilarious and we love them. You bear them as if you know how much it delights us- their wonky white clearly visible from a distance. These six teeth (six!) change your look completely. You're leaving your baby face in the dust and sprinting toward "toddler," full speed ahead.

+ In celebration of turning 9 months old, you found your laugh. While taking these pictures you suddenly, unprovoked, just started laughing hysterically. You just keep getting better kiddo. Unbelievable.

+ You're not quite crawling, but you're definitely mobile. You scoot and pull and roll your way around your room and across the kitchen floor. You pull yourself up on stairs and baskets. We usually find you standing up in your crib in the morning or after naps.

+ You love the animals and they love you. Layla lets you lay on her and pull her ears while she purrs away. Tony sits on your lap if you're sitting on the kitchen floor. Dallas lets you touch her paws- and she doesn't let anyone touch her paws.

+ You are making all sorts of sounds. You mimic ours and play with volume. It is fun to hear you over the baby monitor chatting it up in your crib.

+ Your great grandma Harriet would have loved feeding you. I think of this frequently as you delight in any food placed on your tray- vegetables, fruits, meats, breads. Anything. You love to feed yourself (and also the dogs). You'll inhale half an avocado in 10 minutes flat.

+ We're getting back in the habit of cuddling and singing a few songs before you go down for the night- these are my favorite moments of every day.

We love you more than we understand. I am overwhelmed with the wonder of you and your very existence prods me to be better, more courageous, more deeply honest and vulnerable. Thanks, kiddo. You are spectacular. 

month-by-month

+ You get funnier, prettier, cuter, more endearing, more expressive, and lovelier by the moment. Oh my goodness Alice, you are intensely wonderful.  Every day your dad and I look at each other and shake our heads in awe of you. In dark moments, you shine a brilliant, unquenchable light.

+ You did beautifully with all the holiday traveling and hubbub- you're social, cuddly, chatty, and just altogether an easy kid. We take no credit. It all seems hardwired.

+ A couple weeks ago we realized your top canine teeth- your vampire teeth- were breaking through. Before your top, middle teeth! Hah! Our little vampire! Soon enough your top middle ones started pressing out too though, so it seems they'll all be completely visible around the same time. Incredibly, you have been unphased, nonplussed even, by getting FOUR teeth in at once. You haven't spiked a temp or increased drooling. Your sleep hasn't been effected. Who are you? How did we end up with such a chill, miracle, gift-baby?

+ You still haven't crawled in a forward motion, but you can go backwards and around in circles quite well. You can push up into a perfect crawling position and just last night I thought for a second you were on the true brink of really crawling for the first time. Nope. Not quite. Any second though.

+ You lean/stand unassisted. Maybe you'll just skip crawling and start walking? You really want to walk. You LOVE standing up.

+ During dinner you sit in your high chair and feed yourself- anything and everything, you are a fabulous eater- and do what I've deemed your "high chair dance." You smile and laugh and rock the whole table with your jiving. You've also facilitated the pups finding their true calling in life: licking your hands clean and eating every scrap of food you drop on the floor. You make a good team, the three of you.

+ You sleep on your side, just like me. It is instinctive and it happens as soon as I lay you down- you turn right over and bring your hands together, holding them as if in prayer. I want to gobble all your cuteness clear up.

+ Speaking of which, the other night your dad cracked up because I actually spoke the words "you're even cute when you're pooping!" Add this to the list of embarrassing, honest, and unsophisticated utterances of your mother. You have made a bumbling fool of me and I am so grateful.

sette!

+ Oh, my sweet love of a girl- you are SEVEN months old. Within the last 24 hours many people have commented on how grown up you look, all of the sudden. You are expressive and smiley. Your hair is long enough for PIGTAILS (be still my heart, so cute). You love standing with our help and munching on whatever we're eating. You are altogether a seven month old babe.

+ As of a couple weeks ago, you have moved into your own room. To you, this seemed unsurprising and sensical. The transition wasn't really a transition at all. Did you even notice? You seem to really enjoy your space and your crib and did not put up a moment of fuss. To your folks, it felt like a milestone all its own and we lost sleep over it. Our room seems so big and quiet! You seem so far away, even in our tiny home! But, soon enough, we were all sleeping more soundly and for longer stretches, no longer waking each other up.

+ Hand in hand with your move into your own room, you've established a regular nap schedule. I had no part of this- it was all your own doing- and it is another way that you seem like a full-on seven month old. No more of that infant stuff- you're becoming a kid.

+ I think sweet potatoes are your favorite food, but you have not tried anything you haven't liked. Thanksgiving was so fun- you sat in your highchair across the table from Babah, eating handfuls of veggies and turkey and bread, chatting and laughing. Holidays with you are new, joyful adventures.

+ You continue to be cuddly and for this I am grateful. Please don't ever stop wanting to cuddle and hug.

+ Are you going to start crawling this month? I would not be surprised. You want to be on the move. I have a feeling you might put two and two together by Christmas and be showing off your mobility in time for holiday travels.

+ You are so wonderful. You are the most incredible gift. I love you.

AKA half a year!

You know what the great thing about babies is? They are like little bundles of hope. Like the future in a basket. 
Lish McBride

+ Like a light switch, flip!, new things about you turn on. We've noticed that you're much faster to smile or laugh these days. You talk more often too. You reach out for us to pick you up. You pick things up yourself and watch them fall when you drop them. Motor skills! Socialization! My oh my.

+ As of about a week ago, you are rolling back to front, front to back, and doing choreographed combination twirls too (not really choreographed, but you're moving!). You're sitting up for longer stretches as well.

+ Sweet potatoes, carrots, banana, and avocado. You love to eat and want to get your hands on what we're eating. Daddy likes to sneak you bites.

+ You LOVE the pets and have an especial joy for time with Layla. To my surprise, she purrs through you pulling her fluff and ears and nuzzles you when you lean in to try and get a mouthful of her. It seems there is already a budding friendship forming.

+ You cut two teeth! Your tiny bottom teeth are peaking through and are sharp as anything.

+ I am OBSESSED with your spectacularly chubby thighs. They are downright buttery and it is embarrassing how much I just adore them.

+ You have the sweetest halo of curls framing your face. You are such a beautiful, expressive, sweetheart of a girl.

+ You have begun to really enjoy your cousins. You light up at Katie El's attention and babble at her on cue. Artie loves to exclaim "Alice is so cute, Auntie," and I, of course, agree. It is exciting to think of you toddling after them, admiring these older cousins of yours.

You just keep getting better Alice. I love you so stinking much and I love being your mom. It is the.best.ever. I cannot believe you are half a year old.

5m

“I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.” 
― Charles Dickens

+ Sitting up on your own! Grasping and inspecting anything you can get your hands on! Suddenly these abilities appear and you're so blase about the whole thing. I, on the other hand, am left going "Jake! Jake! Do you see her? She's sitting up! Do you see? Jake!"

+ You are ticklish. Your armpits, the bottoms of your feet, your sweet, soft sides, your neck and cheeks- all of you, my love. Tickle time on the changing table is one of my favorite things.

+ You love food! You are interested in everything we eat and want to join the party. Your first taste of food was broccoli, but you didn't really eat any. You have totally chowed down on bananas and sweet potato though. Oh, how you enjoy eating smooshed banana! Speaking of which, you are BIG little lady! 16lbs and 28 inches long! Keep it up! I love how healthy and strong you are.

+ Bath time with daddy remains your favorite pastime of all, I think. You giggle and chat with him, splash and grab, and generally make precious, flirty eyes with the man of your heart.

+ You have gotten delightfully good at hugging. I get home and you snuggle into my neck and squeeze me tight. You have no idea how much I look forward to that moment all.day.long.

+ I cannot believe how much you have grown. Looking back at our monthly photo shoots is already staggering. You at one month? A different baby altogether! Your eruption into our world changed everything kiddo, but you didn't stop there. Every day is a new discovery, a shift in ability, an enthralling new endeavor. You are awesome. You change our world every day.

one month / two months / three months / four months

4m

"Babies should be classified as an antidepressant."
- Jim Gaffigan 

+ Blowing raspberries: You are a pro. You started this about a week before you turned 3 months old, took a brief 2 week or so hiatus, and then just last week dove head first deep in love with blowing juicy, drool-y raspberries all the time. Your daddy's infant nickname was "Juicy Jake." It seems this is one more way in which you are taking after him.

+ Yelling! You don't (i.e. truly hardly ever) cry. You're a happy baby. But, sweet love of ours, you do already have opinions! You make them known by squawking out these funny yells. You yell at me! They make me laugh. You make me smile and laugh so much.

+ You still haven't rolled over, but you are on the brink. You've gotten so close that if you'd have just breathed or sniffed in the right direction, over you'd have gone. In the meantime, you can scoot your little perfect body practically around in a circle and you LOVE standing on our laps, holding onto our hands.

+ Your lamb lovie is your favorite companion, but you have a growing ensemble of inanimate friends- Sophie the giraffe, Scarlett the sock doll, your glowworm, Walter the bear, your lamb rattle...I call on them each in various situations and it seems you make friends quickly and loyally. That's my girl.

+You still aren't quick to full on laugh, but you are getting more ticklish by the day and you like to sneak out sweet, muffled giggles. Smiling though? Oh honey, you have the best gummy, cheeky, squinty-eyed, smiles.

3 months? 3!!

"Everybody born comes from the Creator trailing wisps of glory."

- Maya Angelou

+ You are such a happy baby. We are told this by strangers, family members, co-workers- you get the point. You smile big, watermelon-slice, smiles. You give away coy, flirty smirks. You are so thoroughly endearing. Yet, you are a contemplative little lady too- as seen above. It always seems there is a secret world of wondering going on in your mind.

+ You are a thumb-sucker. You have become a downright pro at the motor skill of bringing your hand to your mouth and you self-sooth like a champ.

+ You have fallen in love with your little lamb blanket lovey. You hold it, rub it on your face, suck on the silk edging, and hug it as you fall asleep on our long drive home from work. I love that you love it- it was a gift from Babah when she found out you were growing inside me and the embroidered "bless this child" words are my prayer every time I lay it across your lap.

+ You have gotten so strong- holding your head up, locking your knees and standing on my lap, lifting your legs more than any Pilates instructor.You haven't rolled over but that's entirely my fault- I love holding you too much and you haven't gotten all that much tummy time in which to discover rolling.

+ Your dad has taken to calling you "miss." I love overhearing the discourse: "well hello miss," "really miss," "is that so, miss?"

+ You make us laugh! You bring us so much joy. In my most overwhelmed or achy-sad moments, you remind me of my center. You are the most wonderful gift. I am obsessed with you.

another month has come and gone

 "I look at my daughter's open and shining face. In her mind there are no old jobs, old hurts, or old grudges. No gossip or fretting. Not the debris of dashed hopes or unrealized plans. Nothing hounding her. Nothing to prove. No list on the refrigerator. There is just immediacy, honesty, and perfection. Somehow she trusts that everything she needs will be provided here and now. If I could muster just a tiny bit of her colossal faith that everything is, and will be, okay, I could live differently." 

-from Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller

+ The voice! Every day she uses her voice a little more and a little more creatively. There are sing-song-y qualities, chatter sounds, yelps for attention, and giggles that'll stop your heart. On sleepy or quiet days I miss her little sounds. On mornings when all she wants is to hang out, giggle and chat, I can't imagine time spent in any better way than with this awesome, tiny person.

+ About once a week, baby turns mystically into a fountain. Mid-feed she'll pull off, tilt her head back, and before I can recognize the signs, I hear recently ingested breast milk splashing on the floor and soaking all nearby clothing and upholstery. She's a pretty matter of fact and low key kiddo, so she takes it in stride and doesn't even cry a peep.

+ Last Monday, June 30, we had a busy afternoon and evening. 8PM rolled around and our sweet girl had not been given a lick of time in the arms of her daddy. While she nursed she caught his eye. He walked away, she stopped eating and started crying. He came back and she calmed down. He left and she lost it. Back in his arms, she cooed and smiled, looking directly into his eyes. Suddenly we realized- she missed Jake. Until that moment, Jake confessed, he didn't know if she knew him or recognized his voice. Since then, there has been no denying it- she loves her daddy and if she doesn't get her time with him, she feels the loss.

+ Twice in 8 weeks, baby has shown off her powerful digestive system whilst I was changing her. The first time was in the wee hours of the morning. Her legs were lifted for a wiping when #2 was suddenly pelting the face of her Vermont teddy bear 4 feet away in a basket. Several weeks later, on the rushed morning of my cousin's fiance's wedding shower, the wall and baseboard trim just to the left of the aforementioned teddy got acquainted with the mustard liquid too. Hilarious? Yes. Messy and sloppy and utterly surprising? Absolutely. Did I ever think I'd clean newborn poo off the face of a teddy bear with wet wipes at 2AM? No, I did not see that one coming.

+ On multiple occasions in the last week, this little babe has slept right through her middle-of-the-night feeding. The difference between a 3 hour stretch of sleep and a 6 hour stretch? Exponential. And then last night, on her last night before she was suddenly 2 months old, she slept for a whopping 8 hours. In all honesty, I foresee missing our midnight moments if she outgrows them all together. I cherish the bleary-eyed cuddles. I'm hoping she still wants them too, just occasionally at least.

birthday babe

We just came out on the other side of our first growth spurt- a ravenous, sleep-is-for-the-weak several days. Even at the most exhausting, hilarious or frustrating moments, Alice still seemed a petite drop of perfection in our home. Happy One Month Birthday to our little love.