Ode to a Closet

Jake was laying in bed last night when I turned to him and, with a face all too revealing of my glee, exclaimed "I organized my pajamas today!" We both burst out laughing. Jake is prone to deep scrubbing the tub and vacuuming regularly. I am prone to ignoring those things entirely, while getting anxious over the state of a disordered drawer.

I mentioned last week that I've been buzzing with nesting energy, ready to get the house in a state of preparedness for the little one tumbling around in my womb. Alice's bedroom closet was weighing on me. I found myself losing sleep over the jumble of bags and boxes that her storage had devolved into over the past year and a half. When Alice was born, her closet was still being used for lots of non-baby things: office supplies, my grad school materials, household files and seasonal clothing storage. So, initially, I would bag up Alice's outgrown clothes and stored them in the loft of the barn. About 9 months into her little life I realized I should probably flip that paradigm- store my stuff in the barn or get rid of it entirely and dedicate her closet to her (and the hopes of more future babies). In came the bags from the barn, out went the rest. The closet was somewhat reclaimed, but the storage was incredibly unsightly. Brace yourself:

If you're Jake, this just looks like a closet. If you're me, this looks like a literal nightmare. I started some sorting before we found out this baby's gender- to figure out how much of Alice's wardrobe has been gender neutral- but quickly realized it would be best to clean and sort the whole dang thing. There was no half-heart-ing this. I took measurements. I ordered bins and baskets. There were several days of laundering and sorting and labeling. And now, I enjoy peering into Alice's closet whenever I get a chance.


And now Molly- my American Girl doll from childhood- even has her own little bedroom on the closet floor. Alice likes tucking her in, putting her index finger to her lips and telling me "shhhhh" before closing the door.

Twas one week before Christmas, and all through the home

Carols were playing, through laptop and phone.

The stockings were hung in the living room too,

And lights on the tree shined brightly, though few.

The toddler ran giggling from place to place, 

While her parents took in a quiet embrace. 

I'll stop there. The original "Twas the night before Christmas..." poem is far longer than my parody, but you get the idea. We're ready for next week's big shebang and feeling cozy in anticipation. I've been turning on the tree lights as soon as I wake up- dreary days call for twinkling lights all the day through- and I whipped together a Christmas stocking for Alice yesterday morning, so our whole little family is rightfully represented this year. For now, there is a little girl waking up from her nap and the mail just arrived (more holiday greetings, I hope). I hope you're enjoying your season of anticipation, these final days of advent.

that's how the light gets in

Ring the bells that still can ring 
Forget your perfect offering 
There is a crack, a crack in everything 
That's how the light gets in. 

Leonard Cohen, Selected Poems, 1956-1968

cuddle and breathe

I found these two fortunes in my desk during the deep clean of the house and they seemed almost too relevant to be true. I have no recollection of what they're from- how long ago the Chinese food they came with was eaten in our abode- but, I know that when they were acquired I did not foresee the mayhem that our home would be for the last six months. Nor did I anticipate the relief of it coming back together- oh the sweet, deep breath of relief!

As of last week the stairs are carpeted and cozy- a quick fix to a real eye-sore- and they have provided the most surprising addition to our routine. Jake loves sitting on the stairs now and the animals come running to him when he gets home, all vying for his attention. Even Layla joins the gang- our poor cat who turned into a troll during the construction, living under the stairs and only coming out at night, is part of the family again. All three animal babes cuddle and wrestle with Jake, still in his work clothes. I imagine I'll place a newborn on top of the pile one of these days- one more babe to greet him after work.

We got some 'eh' news at Jake's monthly infusion yesterday. Not bad news, per say, but not good news either. Slightly disconcerting neutral news, I guess. We left the neurologist's office, Jake took my hand, and I was thankful for a reminder that every stinkin' day is a gift. Believe in miracles. Cuddle on freshly carpeted stairs. Take a deep breath. 

filling up

We spent much of the weekend with my sister's family, helping them settle their new house into a home. It was so exciting, though exhausting, to see my niece and nephew's rooms transform into their very own enclaves, and to see open space of the first floor fill up with warmth, artwork and instruments. I'm so looking forward to the first toddler "jam session" in the living room, and many more meals and tea times around the kitchen table. Congrats family! Huge, happy, warm congrats! 

feels like home

Some music feels like home. At the end of a long, full weekend (bringing a group of teenage students to NYC for a packed 2-day adventure), a few tracks of headphone-ed refreshment helped me make it through the final stretch on Sunday night. 

Today I hope you get at least a few moments that feel like home. Whether that means plugging in or unplugging or something altogether different, claim it. I'm going to try to. 

I get a bit more work done every day... and I'm holding on tight to my soul. 

on how I became a farmer*

Before I delve into all the wonderfulness that was our vacation (big beaches, big trees, big campfires), I want to acknowledge the lovely home we settled into in the days before we left. We love it. I want to say it again because we love it that much- seriously, we love our new home. It is old and chock full of so much dang character. Built in the mid-eighteen hundreds, it just feels so full of stories. It was in the same family for almost all of those years, and at least one child was born in it. "If these walls could talk" and all that. It's got a barn with a loft in the backyard and marshland as a neighbor. And it has lots of space for gardens. Gardens!?

One of my LIST items (#16, to be exact) has been to "help Jake have a big garden again." Before Jake and I moved into our last apartment, he lived in a house with a nice sized backyard. He had two chickens (named "Beef" and "Pony"), and a great, big garden. Before we started dating he "courted" me by leaving his own home-grown tomatoes and cucumbers on my desk at work. The first time I went to his house was to see his garden. He showed me a cantaloupe he grew and a few weeks later, in the first stages of dating, we ate it together. When we moved last summer, he lost the yard and gave the chickens to my uncle in Connecticut. He moved all his gardening tools into a friend's garage and gave up on having a proper garden again for a while.

Then this house fell into our laps- it all happened rather quickly and unexpectedly, looking at it on a whim and then suddenly falling in love with it and what it would mean for us. We had such absolute peace about the whole thing, and before we knew it we were moving into a whole new adventure and undertaking. Not until we got back from vacation had I ever gardened before. Sure, I've pulled a weed or two in my life, but I've never cleared and hoed and dug and watered. As of Sunday, I am in love with it all. I worked on the yard for 4 hours on Sunday and another 3 after work yesterday. It is hard, dirty work and is so rewarding. And I've started accomplishing #16- we're on our way to having a big garden again. There's even a cantaloupe seedling.

*Well, not a farmer really, but a gardener. Farmer just sounds so much more surprising. "Farmer Kim" has a good ring to it, right? But is it better than "Director LaCroix"? Doubtful. I'll keep my day job.

the move

Barefoot and clad in my black and white paisley bathrobe, I stood at the screen door watching Jake leave for work this morning. He walked through the front gardens and climbed into his car, parked in the driveway.

Screen door? Gardens? Driveway?

I am achy and exhausted from the series of yesterday's events. The final walk through of our new house was at 7:45 AM, followed by the closing at 8:30 AM, from which we went directly to unloading the first truck loads, relocating stacks of boxes into unfamiliar spaces. By 10PM our apartment was bare and clean, and our new abode was full of friends congratulating this huge step, amidst stacks of cardboard.

Jake and I felt clean in a whole new way climbing into, well onto, our mattress on the floor last night. We'd taken our first shower in the new place, washed off all the grime of the move, and were ready to really sleep for the first time in days and days. The anticipation and anxiety had finally released. We were home.

My mom (Linnie) will be arriving around 6PM today to get the settling in started. Those boxes don't stand a chance. We'll be having tea on the deck in our bathrobes by tomorrow morning.

The Simplicity Project - Home Edition

I love Kristin's "Simplicity Project" over at As Luck Would Have It. Here's the thing- it is so frustratingly easy to get sucked up into the pretty things and clothes and couches that can be found online (side eye at you Pinterest). Now that Jake and I are buying a house, I want it to be lovely and homey and using the space oh-so-well. I also want to live simply. I don't want to get bogged down in buying new everything. I want to be conservative and smart about the whole ordeal.

SO, I'm making a few "Simplicity Project" commitments:

• As we pack up in the next two weeks, I am committed to really looking at what's being packed. Do we use this? Do we need this? Does this make our life better, or just clutter it up? I don't want to move anything to our little cottage which is just clutter. It's a lovely little home- emphasize little- and if we're not careful it would be easy to fill up every nook and cranny.
• I'm committed to purchasing a few items that will help simplify things- a bed with some storage so that we can downsize to one bureau, a storage unit for the mud room to make the lack of kitchen cupboards do-able.
• I'm committed to not purchasing every single thing I've been eyeing. A new couch and a shag rug for the living room can wait. I want to live in the new space for a little while and then decide on what the priorities are (I have a feeling deck furniture may trump the couch this summer).

Those are my goals to start. I'll be checking in on how they're coming along, and any additions that pop onto the list. The move happens in just 14 days! We should start packing...

home

"I like this. I like being home with you."

It doesn't happen much. Especially with 2 nights a week booked for grad classes now. On the other nights there are friends to be seen, grocery shopping to be done, or work to be worked late. So, when we're home for an evening together...an entire evening? Bliss. Just to sit with my love and soak up time together.

That's what we did on Tuesday night. I was sitting on the couch when Jake got home. He layed down next to me and promptly fell asleep for well over an hour. Just sharing that space with my hubby for those quiet moments was all kinds of refreshing. He woke up to rain, and the chill that had fallen over the near-Fall evening. We thought aloud about leaving the warmth of our couch and our apartment. There was toilet paper to be got, and a social gathering to be attended. Instead, we played hookie from it all and stayed curled on the couch for the rest of the evening. We watched Legends of the Fall and squeezed each other tight. Drank tea and ate leftovers. Pet our purring cat, the three of us forming a funny little family.

And for the rest of the week I've reflected back into that evening. In the midst of emails and meetings and rushed meals, I'm thankful for those moments and feeling connected to my love.

enjoying the small things

Have you heard of Enjoying the Small Things? Its a gift, really. The writing is thoughtful, beautiful, funny, sincere. I've read and reread the story of their second daughter's birth- you can find it here- and it brings me to tears every time.

AND, the daily posts are also wonderful. Wednesday's post felt like it was from my own insides: 

"The driving force of my passions and inspirations will probably always vascillate between seeing new parts of the world, meeting new people and simply rooting myself deeper into my contentment of home. On every trip, just when I begin to feel gluttonous for more landmarks...my other self starts longing for home--rainy day quilt forts and tomato soup with grilled cheese."

Jake and I had just been talking about traveling. The conversation about the economy (which is not doing so hot, apparently) inevitably turns into me asking where we should move instead. We talk Uruguay. Jake likes Uruguay's economy. I like the idea of Europe. I like bicycles and French food. And then the conversation turns to family. I love the idea of living abroad. I hate the reality of losing time with my parents, losing the childhood of my niece and nephew. "And what about when we have kids? Don't you want them to know their grandparents? Like, really know them? Have them in their lives?" 

Growing up, we ate dinner at the kitchen table every night. Except for Sundays. Sundays we ate in the living room, watching the Sunday Disney movie on tv, and we always had grilled cheese, tomato soup and popcorn. We'd dip our grilled cheese in the soup, dodging the popcorn we'd dropped in there too. I know our kids can have that with us- we can eat dinner in the living room on Sundays. I want them to know the people who started that tradition though. My little spunky mother who worries too much, but laughs an equal amount. My big Ukrainian father, a quiet Baptist minister with a Massachusetts accent. They're Baba and Papa now. My niece and nephew squeal with delight when they see them. I think my mother may do an equal amount of squealing too.

Uruguay or Denmark or what-have-you is still a ways off. Grad school will keep us here for the next 2 years at least. In the meantime, I'll soak up the convenient vicinity of family; try not to take it for granted. And I'll make sure to eat tomato soup, grilled cheese and popcorn as a reminder of where I came from and where I'll always come back to.