kind words

Someone I haven't talked to in years posted on my facebook wall this week. Actually, a couple people I haven't talked to in years did- it's facebook, you know? That's what happens in facebook world. Never the less, this specific post has been popping in and out of my brainwaves. It's reminded me of a time I don't really like to think about- a time when I was struggling and questioning and shaky- but it reminded me of the beautiful things that happened during that time too.

I categorize times of my life. I'm a mere 25 years old, I know, I know. There's not that much time to categorize, blah blah blah. STILL- I categorize. I look back on certain years of college, or phases of high school with all-encompassing disdain. I deem them "bad times" or "hard times," and in doing so I miss out on remembering the life present in those times. Despite whatever adjective I deem an era, there are other adjectives (and even antonyms) that could just as well define moments and breathes of that time. I want to acknowledge this more and give a little more grace to my past.

Here's that facebook post: I remember, wayyyyy back when you were my RA, that you talked about your explorations [at the time] into Orthodoxy, and your parents saying something like, "We have faith in your faith." That line is still stuck in my head. I think of it often, I say it to others and ask others to have that faith in me. I think it is one of the most respectful, dignifying things to say to someone [and mean it.]

marriage teaches you things

Somehow, being married has made me more aware of potential loss. I feel it more poignantly- I make sure to kiss husband as many times as he'll allow before one of us walks out the door. I relish moments cuddled in bed together, and fear taking them for granted. And when we argue- because it does happen- at some point we both just want more to forgive than to be right. When we are mad at each other, it feels like we're wasting time. 

At a wedding this summer, the pastor preached the need for forgiveness in marriage. He asserted that, more than lovey-dovey romance, marriage depends on forgiveness. It depends on knowing, in the midst of egos and opinions, that you will always forgive. 

We know that. That's what we're committed to. That's why staying mad feels like we're wasting time. Instead of staying curled up on the love seat, emanating anything but love, I need to swallow my self-conscious pride and hug it out with my husband. Too much grace has covered me for me to act otherwise. 

And hugging it out is so freaking wonderful.