good conversation.

This is what it is all about: in the midst of hectic, juggling, lose-my-mind, craziness I am utterly thankful for a deep breath and a moment of good conversation. Because, that is what it's all about my friends. Without community, without relationships, this is all a waste of time.

And its also about taking a moment to eat the top of a muffin and pet the dog-face. Deep breath moments. Mostly good conversations- but, some muffins and cuddling too.

hankerings

I was eating dinner last night. On the train. At 10:40pm. By myself. And I laughed, thinking "it's darn good I know I'm called to this."

No matter what I do, whether I perform in my dream show in a dream location with dream audiences or I become a waitress instead, there will be train-dinner-lonely moments. Ultimately, its about what you're "meant" to do. I always think of my favorite book, Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger:
"Somewhere along the line — in one damn incarnation or another, if you like — you not only had a hankering to be an actor or an actress but to be a good one. You're stuck with it now. You can't just walk out on the results of your own hankerings. Cause and effect, buddy, cause and effect. The only thing you can do now, the only religious thing you can do, is act. Act for God, if you want to — be God's actress, if you want to. What could be prettier? You can at least try to, if you want to — there's nothing wrong in trying." There was a slight pause. "You'd better get busy, though, buddy. The goddam sands run out on you every time you turn around. I know what I'm talking about. You're lucky if you get time to sneeze in this goddam phenomenal world."

I can't just walk out on the results of my own hankerings. So, dinner on the train it is. And I'm glad to eat it, thankful for all that lays before me.

pummelo

Yesterday, Jake lobbed a grapefruit at me and I didn't "think fast" enough. I told Jake I was going to post a picture of Dallas' dark eyes (the Saint Bernard in her) and say they were my eyes, all bruised from grapefruit lobbing. You've got to be careful about these things.

Jake arrived home last week with a rather random bag of grapefruit (hence the presence of grapefruit in our Monday night). I don't know if I'd ever actually eaten a grapefruit before. Somehow, despite my love for the smell of grapefruit and my enjoyment of grapefruit flavored vitamin cough drops, I'd never actual chomped down on a juicy, bittersweet wedge myself. Now I've both eaten grapefruit and had one lobbed in my direction. Success.

Also, the smell of grapefruit is vivifying, even when it's flying towards your face.

And no, I don't actually have any sort of bruise from the lobbing incident. It was a gentle lob.

i'm on a diet

Some nights are just eat-oreos-in-bed nights. There's no denying it. And it's okay because the oreos are reduced fat, and the milk is 2%. Why is 2% okay, you ask? Because, my friends, we drink whole milk in these parts. Whole milk, right from the cow, from a farm in Newbury. Local and no processing. That's just how we roll. Except for last night. Last night was reduced fat oreos and 2% milk. Practically a diet, right there. I feel thinner and less healthy already.

black raspberry chip

This is my bad-class-discouragment medicine.
Take with water or wine, depending on the degree of bad.

beautiful weekend



photo credit: here

We had a beautiful, stuffed-to-the-gills, weekend. A show on Friday night. Out-to-breakfast at our favorite place on Saturday. A drive north to lovely farmland, and cooking a mouth-watering dinner for friends on Saturday night. Lunch with family after church on Sunday. A trip into Boston for another show- a transformative, transcendent show, which I'm intimidated to even attempt articulating (but I will, I promise).

And this morning my husband made us eggs and bacon for breakfast, and we read together before we started the day. I feel all-filled-up. How utterly refreshing.