05 September 2012

the love-hate

Oh, the love-hate relationship I have with this whole darn thing that is GRAD SCHOOL. As I wrote yesterday, the more I learn, the tinier I feel in the face of all I want to know and do. I entered my first year of grad school and felt full of all it was going to help me accomplish, all the places it would propel me. I'm entering my second- completion- year feeling overwhelmed with more questions. Do I have any idea what I'm doing or where I'm going? Less and less, less and less.

I'm reminding myself- just as I did here- that I got myself into this. I wanted this. I was so very excited a year ago, getting my I.D. and meeting new comrades. Its just that now I know the reality of it all- how it feels to commute in and out of Boston after a full day of work, how absurd it is to attempt balancing a production's tech week and finals, how comrades are really just other grad students and I can feel so very distant from them. To be completely honest, the whole ordeal is-more often than not-rather lonely.

To maintain an excited spirit! A looking mind and an optimistic heart! To remember back to a year ago when this all was fresh! Last year I was full of looking forward. Maybe today I need to be full of looking back. 

4 comments:

  1. Ohhhh, best of luck and well-wishes to you! I haven't gone to grad school, yet, but I was with my husband through six years of his and it was just ... stressful. But just think of the glorious moment when you're finished! And you've accomplished what you set out to do - something huge.

    Ladaisi Blog
    Ladaisi Etsy

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement ladaisi. It's true- thinking about FINISHING the whole thing IS exciting. What a relief that'll be!

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  2. wow! i really admire you for doing that! i can't imagine how difficult it must be! the reward at the end will be sooo worth it though!! good luck to you! love your perspective in your photo! visiting from WW at the Paper Mama. :)

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    1. Thanks Tish! The photo is from seeing the Redwoods in northern CA (in June).

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