last day daffodils

This job has been a gift I never wanted and wouldn't have chosen.

A year and a half ago, life felt mean. The circumstances heaped on our family forced changes upon changes, a sudden career-shift among them. It was a heartbreaking, humbling, fearful time. The last time I had a "last day,"it was not a time of celebration. It came as a necessary relief- we had navigated conflict and loss and found a solution, for now- but, I was grieving all that I had spent six years building. The next 12+ months were spent redefining the identity I'd watched crumble in the midst of all those changes. Everything I knew about myself- what I thought really defined who I was- had been wiped clean.

Clean and bare: "Simplicity" is trendy right now. Capsule wardrobes and white walls, going "green." I absorb curated photos elevating the beauty of simplicity. Yet, simplifying my self was a more painful process than purging my closet. I confronted an echoing quiet as I sat in a blue-carpeted cubicle. And, as I sat, the building and healing were underway. Slowly, slowly, my clean slate was filled again, but anew.

O snail
Climb Mount Fuji,
But slowly, slowly!
(Kobayashi Issa)

It is my last day at work. My last day in this gift of a job. Here, I have been encouraged and celebrated, as I've learned and flexed new skills. I have been given space to breath and recover and regain respect for what true leaders demonstrate. Today, I celebrate. With gratitude, I leave a place that provided healing I did not anticipate: I believe in mission-driven work again. I know healthy boundaries can and do exist. I have seen leaders manage with humility and grace.

I am immensely grateful that I did not know the plan, but that all was working toward this aim.

Alice sent me flowers at work today. (Jake admits she asked to borrow his debit card a few days ago.) The card said simply: "Thank you for all your hard work! Love, Alice"

Oh, my dear sweet Alice- What you have given us will forever far exceed all I have given for you. I would give all of it and more, my love. The real work- that being done on who I am does not have a last day- and that is the true, hard work I will continue to carry, every day, for the sake of you.


Now, let's celebrate!