letters found

I have hit the point in pregnancy that I now recognize as hormonal-induced anxiety over ALL THE THINGS. I was around this pregnant with Alice when I would feel panicky waves over not yet having the carseat installed. Just in time, I found this letter hidden away in my desk. Thank goodness for New Year's cleaning and sorting.

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20 March 2015

Dear Future Self,

Please do not forget:
- If/when you are blessed to conceive another child, for all that is good and holy, TAKE A SIX MONTH LEAVE from whatever job you are working, if you are working. Its not feasible, you say? FIND A WAY. Do you want postpartum again? I didn't think so. Live cheap. Don't travel. Forego the babymoon. You need time after having this baby. Time to the tune of at least 6 months. It is not indulgent; its honest.

- You will love this new baby with all that is in you: all the hopes, dreams and breaths you can conjure. It will hurt with a ferocity you cannot contain. You will be sad. That is ok.

- You will feel like yourself again. Someday. Right now Alice is 10 months old. I have just started to get glimmers of myself again. Is my groove totally back? No. Am I finding joy, more and more, everyday? Yes. Thank God. Yes.

- Jake is a good man. He has seen you at your craziest. He, somehow, still loves you. Love him back. Believe him when he tells you he loves you and you are beautiful.

- You have friends. Good ones. You are not alone.

Take a breath.
Relax.
One step at a time.

Love, Kimi