Crocuses have poked their glorious noggins through our backyard and I want to crawl inside them like a tiny fairy. I would like to have a full-on make out session with Spring. If it weren't for Jake I would marry Spring and have flowers for babies.
Thankfully, Jake IS in my life. And so is Alice- our blooming, blossoming, vibrant girl. And we are suddenly mother&daughter. Alice hugs with intention. She kisses me and plays with my hair. She shows me things- stares out the window and points out what she sees, wanting to share and experience together. It is incredible. She took her first steps last week and another tooth popped through her bottom gums. As of last Sunday she has decided to sleep through the night, foregoing nursing for 12+ hours. I've stopped pumping at work because Alice has stopped taking a bottle during the day. She nurses in the morning, and sometimes in the evening too, but, for the most part, she is well on her way to weaned, completely on her own accord.
I used to deeply mourn each inch and pound of Alice's growth. Every passing week felt like a death. I was losing time and missing moments. Postpartum framed everything as loss. Gradually, the world came back into color and instead of aching for those tiny, raw beginnings I began to embrace the joy of being a mom now and anticipating the discoveries of tomorrow. Instead of lost time, I hold our days as a gifts spent together. I feel genuine excitement over who Alice is becoming and what our relationship holds. I love her in a new way now- as a person all her own and, though it may sound completely odd, as a dear little friend.
Monday was our first totally balmy-warm, sunshine-y day. 70s and bright sunshine? It is a whole new world. I used to love Fall, but Spring has stolen my heart. The air. The smell. Alice's birthday and our anniversary. Alice and I had our first-ever little picnic: late afternoon, a shared orange, a pink polka dotted blanket and backyard raking. There is still snow holding out in shade-y corners of our yard, while in other spots iris leaves and full crocus faces are in view. I love the juxtaposition of Winter to Spring- the clean, white of mid Winter gets dirty and dingy, but then everything suddenly bursts and blossoms. Comes to life, or just wakes up and does a dance. Spring, glorious Spring.
I used to deeply mourn each inch and pound of Alice's growth. Every passing week felt like a death. I was losing time and missing moments. Postpartum framed everything as loss. Gradually, the world came back into color and instead of aching for those tiny, raw beginnings I began to embrace the joy of being a mom now and anticipating the discoveries of tomorrow. Instead of lost time, I hold our days as a gifts spent together. I feel genuine excitement over who Alice is becoming and what our relationship holds. I love her in a new way now- as a person all her own and, though it may sound completely odd, as a dear little friend.Monday was our first totally balmy-warm, sunshine-y day. 70s and bright sunshine? It is a whole new world. I used to love Fall, but Spring has stolen my heart. The air. The smell. Alice's birthday and our anniversary. Alice and I had our first-ever little picnic: late afternoon, a shared orange, a pink polka dotted blanket and backyard raking. There is still snow holding out in shade-y corners of our yard, while in other spots iris leaves and full crocus faces are in view. I love the juxtaposition of Winter to Spring- the clean, white of mid Winter gets dirty and dingy, but then everything suddenly bursts and blossoms. Comes to life, or just wakes up and does a dance. Spring, glorious Spring. 
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