full circle

circa 2007- leaving Rwanda

I feel like things are sinking in.  Things that I've known for a long time, but have just started believing.  Does that make sense? It wouldn't have to me before a month or two ago.  Then, the sinking began. Certain things clicked and I realized, in some relieving ways, who I am.  Or, maybe I just remembered?  I don't know.  I do know I feel compelled and calmer at the same time.  I love it.

I've been letting my commute be quiet and I feel like I've been working on my soul.  Doing some Spring cleaning, if you will.

I think it all kicked off via a conversation with a college student who just returned from studying abroad in Uganda- the same program I returned from five years ago.  As I asked her questions, I heard my younger self responding different answers than I would today.  It was if I was back there, looking into the future and not liking everything I saw.  So, younger Kimberly- I think she's more a Kimi than a Kimberly, really- spoke up and even kicked me in the shins a little.  Not a mean kick; more of a get-off-your-butt-on-your-beliefs kick.

I'm so grateful that I have family who loves me, a Jake who loves me, and even pets who love me, even with my very rusty soul.  I'm not a nice person sometimes, and I'm a hypocrite a lot of the time.  But, like I said, I'm cleaning out.  I'm trying to let cars cut me off and not get annoyed.  Its not worth it.  I want my life to be rich with family and joy, not riddled with frustration and stress and time spent alone.

I want to play my guitar more. And by more, I mean at all.

I changed my strings tonight.  I had to.  They were so out of shape that I broke one in a futile attempt to tune 'em.  Do you know the last time they were changed? A little over five years ago. In Uganda.

FULL CIRCLE, PEOPLE. I'M COMING BACK AROUND TO WHO I WANT TO BE.

I don't have to be in East Africa to be fully who I'm called to be.  Thank God.

Its sinking in.