to connect

I've been spending a lot of time with friends lately. Husband has been busy with a side job, which has left me free and clear for connecting. His absence has also left me wanting to connect. I'm an introvert of sorts- I love my alone time, thrive on it really, but I also depend on connectedness. Time with my husband, family or friends keeps me from retreating into my potentially loner-ish ways, and keeps me sane. 

Amidst this time spent with lots of friends, I've realized the need to pursue really connecting though. I've found myself discouraged after some interactions, feeling lonely and not knowing why. It is so easy to stay easy in conversations. Just talk work and clothes, and forget to challenge and encourage the substance and nitty-gritty of our friends. I need that. Without sharing some substance I'm left sitting on the surface of myself, discouraged at my own lack of depth. Lack of depth- a nice way of saying shallow.

Not to say that work and clothes aren't worth talking about. They are. I'm often talking about work, and some of my favorite times with my mom and sister have been spent in dressing rooms. My mom can also sense, even across state-lines, when something is amiss in my life though. So, unless I've got a maternal relationship with someone, its unlikely we're intuiting each other's innards. I've got to be committed to connecting- to asking, listening, encouraging. I've got to be willing to share my thoughts and my weaknesses; to ask for encouragement. 

My mentor often starts our conversations by asking what I've "been thinking lately." There's always a moment where I'm nervously wondering if I've been thinking anything. I always have been- just existing gives us lots of food for thought. But it takes Jo asking for me to substantiate my own ideas. And I have never left time with Jo feeling lonely. I leave invigorated. That's the thing- sharing thoughts breeds more thoughts. As we think together, we share ourselves, how we think, the funny ways our brains link ideas and memories together. We leave our time together more able to act independently, because friendship is not about dependence, but about connectedness. By connecting, we then have the confidence to think and act courageously on our own, knowing the support of a friend. 

This all reminds me of Gibran's poem on Marriage:

...Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. 

No matter how much I love my cat, that's one thing she just can't do for me.

(photo credit: blog.hubspot.com)