Real

“Real isn't how you are made. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real...It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

I felt pretty Real yesterday. In the Velveteen Rabbit sense of the word- very shabby. I have been feeling so much better this trimester, but yesterday was a fatigued, body-pained, hurts-to-exist kind of day. When the dishes were finally done and I could get ready for bed, I was in a sour frame of mind. I even felt a bit bewildered that Jake would want to cuddle as we fell asleep. Have you seen my wreck of a body recently, dear husband? I know you have. Did you notice the pained expression on my face as I move about today? I think you did. Have you felt the sting of my poor mood this evening?

So, this morning, as I attempted some self-care for my aches and pains, I reflected a bit on becoming Real. Neither of my housemates- husband and daughter- mind at all that I wore mismatching sweats to the park yesterday afternoon. Neither probably even noticed. Neither of them would think for a second that I've become ugly at 31 weeks tired/pregnant. My eyes may drop out and I am certainly loose in the joints. And it does not matter at all. How lucky am I? So very lucky. As some would say, #blessed.

I am grateful, ever grateful, for the softening of my edges.

Photo from a recent family hike. Those two, I tell 'ya.