There has been no shortage of narrative fodder- graduation (grad grad as I've been calling it), Mother's Day, home construction (almost done!), another day spent with mom, the makings of a full fledged backyard garden- but, the will to set fingers to typing has been weary. Sometimes I feel greedy with my thoughts and it is a relief to let them linger. Through quiet commutes and lonely spans of time at the office, or simple cuddles with our pets, I slowly fiddle out my understanding. Cheers to time spent mulling and sipping on ideas.
In the days leading up to graduation I felt a bit silly about the whole thing. Asking family to come and celebrate my graduate school graduation? My mom got her MA while working full time and a mother of three kids. My sister did it as a mother of two. Neither of them walked, and I don't think I bought either one flowers or even said a really boisterous "congrats!" But, despite my anxiety and feelings of silliness, I'm thankful that I took part in graduation. In fact, I think that from now on I will grab any chance I can to ask family to come cheer me on. It is such an incredible feeling, to participate in a community ritual and search for familiar faces in a crowd. My brother waved and called my name as he snapped photos. My mom came up to the front of the hall to snag a hug after I crossed the stage. My mother-in-law teared up in the lobby saying she was proud of me. I know so deeply that my family loves me and I love them. It is not that I needed a reminder of that or needed it "proved" in any way. Still, it is such an extra gift when you see that love, that community, in action. I felt rallied and encouraged. It made me want to get my PhD just to graduate again.
It was also on Mother's Day, a day to celebrate and honor these mom-heros in my life. As we sat down for dinner and toasted the moms at the table I was again so thankful. I admire these women and an opportunity to be more purposefully vocal about it is welcome. Later that evening as my brother, my sister, my mom, and I walked arm in arm along the waterfront, I noticed myself clinging to the moments. My arm was bent at an uncomfortable crook, but I didn't care or want to shift for fear of losing the connection to these people at my sides. Thats the thing- I think I'm finally realizing that my family is made up of people. In some way I am still like a grade school student awed at seeing their teacher in the grocery store or at a park. You exist outside my experience? And although I cognitively know that of my family members- know that they're people as well as moms and siblings- it is a gift to also get to know them as friends.
I may have another degree, but I still have plenty to learn. May it always be so.
In the days leading up to graduation I felt a bit silly about the whole thing. Asking family to come and celebrate my graduate school graduation? My mom got her MA while working full time and a mother of three kids. My sister did it as a mother of two. Neither of them walked, and I don't think I bought either one flowers or even said a really boisterous "congrats!" But, despite my anxiety and feelings of silliness, I'm thankful that I took part in graduation. In fact, I think that from now on I will grab any chance I can to ask family to come cheer me on. It is such an incredible feeling, to participate in a community ritual and search for familiar faces in a crowd. My brother waved and called my name as he snapped photos. My mom came up to the front of the hall to snag a hug after I crossed the stage. My mother-in-law teared up in the lobby saying she was proud of me. I know so deeply that my family loves me and I love them. It is not that I needed a reminder of that or needed it "proved" in any way. Still, it is such an extra gift when you see that love, that community, in action. I felt rallied and encouraged. It made me want to get my PhD just to graduate again. It was also on Mother's Day, a day to celebrate and honor these mom-heros in my life. As we sat down for dinner and toasted the moms at the table I was again so thankful. I admire these women and an opportunity to be more purposefully vocal about it is welcome. Later that evening as my brother, my sister, my mom, and I walked arm in arm along the waterfront, I noticed myself clinging to the moments. My arm was bent at an uncomfortable crook, but I didn't care or want to shift for fear of losing the connection to these people at my sides. Thats the thing- I think I'm finally realizing that my family is made up of people. In some way I am still like a grade school student awed at seeing their teacher in the grocery store or at a park. You exist outside my experience? And although I cognitively know that of my family members- know that they're people as well as moms and siblings- it is a gift to also get to know them as friends.I may have another degree, but I still have plenty to learn. May it always be so.
No comments:
Post a Comment