I'm going to get really honest for a second: year two has been harder than year one.
Our first year of marriage was bliss. Though hectic, we were able to support each other in new ways and love this new process of making a home together. We're a 1/4 into year two of marriage and, for mostly reasons of *communication,* it's been more complicated. Arguments have taken longer to resolve. I've found ugliness inside I didn't know was there- selfishness, pride, that I didn't know was hidden in those crevices. There have been some really hard conversations.
Neither of us expected marriage to be easy or second nature. We knew this was going to take committed work- which is why we got married! Our first, blissful year set us up for a shock at year two though. The transition has been really, quite sad at points.
But, lately, I feel as if we may have come out of the transition a bit. Jake has tried to remind me what being silly together looks like. We've fallen asleep holding hands, curled up tight, holding to what means so absolutely much to us. I got home the other night and Jake was gleefully making tacos for dinner- which, I'm hoping, will become a thing (delicious!). We sat down and had.dinner.together.
Between all our plans and responsibilities- I am embarrassed to say- we hardly ever have time to share a meal together. Man oh man, in the midst of that taco dinner I felt like we were back in year one and this summer had been a bad dream. Best.tacos.ever.
I guess I write this in case someone who reads it thinks marriage is easy and simple and constant bliss. It can be for long stretches of time, sure. But marriage always takes work and forgiveness. And, my god, it is worth the harder stretches to come out at connected points like taco dinner.
Our first year of marriage was bliss. Though hectic, we were able to support each other in new ways and love this new process of making a home together. We're a 1/4 into year two of marriage and, for mostly reasons of *communication,* it's been more complicated. Arguments have taken longer to resolve. I've found ugliness inside I didn't know was there- selfishness, pride, that I didn't know was hidden in those crevices. There have been some really hard conversations.
Neither of us expected marriage to be easy or second nature. We knew this was going to take committed work- which is why we got married! Our first, blissful year set us up for a shock at year two though. The transition has been really, quite sad at points.
But, lately, I feel as if we may have come out of the transition a bit. Jake has tried to remind me what being silly together looks like. We've fallen asleep holding hands, curled up tight, holding to what means so absolutely much to us. I got home the other night and Jake was gleefully making tacos for dinner- which, I'm hoping, will become a thing (delicious!). We sat down and had.dinner.together.
Between all our plans and responsibilities- I am embarrassed to say- we hardly ever have time to share a meal together. Man oh man, in the midst of that taco dinner I felt like we were back in year one and this summer had been a bad dream. Best.tacos.ever.
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| Dallas wasn't as happy about taco dinner. She was mostly jealous and bitter. |
I guess I write this in case someone who reads it thinks marriage is easy and simple and constant bliss. It can be for long stretches of time, sure. But marriage always takes work and forgiveness. And, my god, it is worth the harder stretches to come out at connected points like taco dinner.
I always remind myself that conflict resolution leads to intimacy. As hard as conflict is I hang on knowing that when its over we reach a better understanding and love grows.
ReplyDeleteExactly Holly- thanks for those thoughts.
DeleteMy husband and I are nearing our first anniversary. It's been quite a ride this first year for sure, but we have become stronger as a couple and have more love than we could have ever hoped for. Your post today affirms that commitment is what makes all the difference.
ReplyDeleteThank you Dondrea- that was what I was hoping. I wanted to be encouraging to the commitment, not discouraging about the work of it all. I'm glad you were able to glean that!
DeleteThis is my first ever post on a blog. Also its Hannah. Also, this post made me tear a little, since I know some of the details. Already at 1.1 months, we've had such BLISS and some sad points too...I guess its never easy. What counts is to hang on to those little, perfect things.
ReplyDeleteI love you and I love.love.love that this was your first ever post. You read my mind exactly- hold on to those little, perfect things.
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