suddenly goodbye

A woman I worked with on a near-daily basis died suddenly last week. She was often the first person I spoke to when something happened I didn't know how to deal with- when a staff member abruptly quit, when I was confronted with a child abuse situation among my students, when I failed to know how to properly process payroll.

When I found out last weekend I sat in shock, and I've been so sad about it this week. Leaving the wake last night I couldn't help but burst into tears. I had already bumbled my way through talking with her children, and avoided teary eye contact with all the co-workers present. They were all talking about work. Shouldn't we be talking about her?

Jake took me to the animal shelter to cheer me up. It helped. Dinner at Five Guys helped too. Still, the whole thing felt off. It didn't feel good enough.

No matter how many times we're confronted with loss, we never learn how to confront it, do we?