through-lines

Two good friends- who happen to be my co-workers- resigned in the last week. During the second "I'm-resigning" conversation, my friend expressed regret. She was apologetic and obviously struggling more with the guilt of leaving me, than the actual decision of staying or going. Suddenly I heard myself saying what I needed to hear myself: "Since I started this job I've wondered when it would be time to leave. That time hasn't come for me yet. I still feel called to this work and called to be present here. But if you don't, you need to move on, and I'm okay with staying until I feel called to do otherwise." It wasn't until I heard myself saying these words that I remembered them myself. As soon as they slipped out of my mouth I let go some of the resentment I had allowed to creep in over the past week. I stomped down on the pity party that was huddling behind my eyes and found the truth underneath my superficial pride. And I remembered something I wrote over 4 years ago:

"...how long I will stay or go? Will I do good or just be present? I stay right now because is the truest form of faithfulness available. If staying in six months is still the only blatant way to live what seems ought to come next, I hope I have the courage to do so. If flying off somewhere, whether it be Chicago or the Lybian Desert or Phnom Penh, I hope the same. I don't know if I believe in moments of epiphany or promise for changing the world any more. I do believe in following opportunities to give of myself- here and far, and wherever I end up. I desire to give of myself. Faithfully."

I want to have the courage to stay, if that is what I'm called to. I want to be sensitive to where and how I can give of myself, and I just want to keep giving. It seems like so much has changed in the last 4ish years (and it has!). Still, its encouraging to have a peak at certain through-lines.

Happy Friday, friends. May we have confidence in our through-lines- those things that are deeply rooted and guiding us, even when we forget them.