no one likes auditions

I originally wrote this in December of 2009, and posted it here. There have been lots of auditions and castings since and now, once again, I'm in the midst of casting for two Fall productions. We had nearly 200 hundred children audition over the course of last weekend and goodness me, am I ready for the final decisions to be made and posted! In the meantime, some recycled thoughts on auditions that still ring true:

No one likes auditions. As an actor, I find them stressful and intimidating. I am expected to demonstrate all my abilities, all my potential, all my emotional prowess, in a 1-2 minute monologue. In the moments before I am called into an audition room I stretch, stumble through some breathing exercises, break into a cold sweat and degrade myself in a steady internal monologue: "Really? How many of these will it take? How many auditions will you sweat and shutter through before you can just take it in stride?"

But I don't really mind that I can't just take auditions in stride. That stressful package of feelings provides me a significant kind of compassion every time I'm on the other side of the audition table. AND, as the one seated, taking notes on the monologue or song presented by a nervous auditionee, I am anticipating a different kind of stress. The anxiety I experience when casting a production is like no other. I have traveled in East Africa, taken public transportation by myself through dark Ugandan streets, and slept in huts in the middle of the bush. I have traveled in Southeast Asia, riding in the back of a truck over mountain passes and slept in the presence of scorpions and 5 inch long spiders. Yes, I have had stressful experiences. But CASTING tops them. Relationships, egos, hearts and minds are on the block when casting a show. That responsibility is a pressure that keeps sleep at bay, and makes my stomach turn.

But, oh, it is also so exciting! To see it all come together, despite the anxiety and difficult decisions, to see the cast sit at a table together and read the words that they will come to embody- that is a beautiful thing. Like I said, no one   likes auditions. But we all keep coming back for more, don't we?