ms is mean

A few posts ago I mentioned a prayer request- that husband and I would be spending a day at the hospital soon, and that I've been feeling anxious about the whole darn thing. Well, yesterday was that day. First thing- no bad news. Second thing- add yet to the end of that last sentence. No news, is the full truth. Turns out we have to head back into Boston next Monday to have more tests and find out the "news." 

I put quotes there because I'm hoping there ISN'T any news. I want the answers to be: looks good, keep doing what you're doing! Here's the deal: MS is mean. Husband has multiple sclerosis, an autoimmune disease that affects his brain and spinal cord. Basically, his immune system eats his brain. We joke that God planned for Jake to have such a big head because God knew this mean-MS thing was going to happen. We laugh that Jake's big head and big brain means that, really, his body is just getting rid of extra weight when its eating up little bits of his brain. The reality is though that there's a colorful variety of lesions, black holes, and cysts all over the map of my husband's thinking-machine. And thats terrifying. 

I cried last night when husband and I finally climbed into bed. We'd been in the hospital for his 6-month MRI, then blood work, then his monthly treatment. There was suppose to be a doctor's appointment in there too, but the timing of everything didn't work out. No doctor's appointment meant no answers. At the last 6-month mark, we found out the treatment Jake was on wasn't working. We found out that Jake's MS is so darn mean that any of the the front line of treatments wouldn't work and our options were: tysabri or chemo. Seriously? Chemo? We're babies to be faced with the word "chemo." We went with tysabri because we trust our big-city-specialist neurologist, and because its not chemo. And tysabri HAS made husband feel LEAPS and BOUNDS better. We just know his brain will look shiny and new on that MRI he had yesterday. But now we won't know until next Monday. And if it doesn't look shiny and new? We're back to the drawing board and what...chemo? Bah. Let's not think about it.

Let's think about how absolutely wonderful husband is and how thankful I am for him. 

i love him so, so much